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If you need help right now
If this has gone past hard and into thoughts of hurting yourself, skip everything below and talk to someone now.
Call or text 988Text HOME to 741741Outside the US (opens in a new tab)
Guidance for: I made a mistake and I'm spiralling
Separate the error from the verdict
Start here
Write what happened in one factual sentence with no adjectives. Read it back. That's the actual size of it.
There's the thing that happened, and there's the sentence you're passing on yourself. They feel like one event. Spiralling isn't accountability — it delays the repair and costs you the energy the repair needs.
Then, if you have room for it
- One factual sentence, no adjectives, no "always" or "again."
- Name what's actually required. Usually one message, one correction, one call.
- If you owe someone: short, factual, no self-flagellation. Long apologies make people manage your feelings.
- Once you've done the fix, you're done. Rumination will spend the rest of the day trying to convince you otherwise.
Watch
- How to stop the shame spiral: shame vs guiltTherapy in a Nutshell (Emma McAdam, LMFT) · 9 minThe distinction that matters: I did a bad thing, versus I am a bad person.(opens in a new tab)
- How to stop beating yourself upTherapy in a Nutshell (Emma McAdam, LMFT) · 8 minThe friend-advice technique — what you'd say to someone else in your position.(opens in a new tab)
Read
- Emotional dysregulation: ADHD's overlooked symptomADDitudeShort explainer on the amygdala and why reactions outrun the brake.(opens in a new tab)
- How RSD actually feels, in readers' wordsADDitudeSurvey responses from adults with ADHD. Useful when you feel like the only one.(opens in a new tab)
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