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If this has gone past hard and into thoughts of hurting yourself, skip everything below and talk to someone now.
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Guidance for: I think someone's upset with me
Check the evidence before acting on the story
Start here
Write two columns: what you actually observed, and what you concluded. Only the left column is evidence.
Ambiguity reads as rejection when you're sensitised. A short reply, a flat tone, an unanswered message — your brain fills the gap with the worst available explanation and then treats it as confirmed.
Then, if you have room for it
- Split observation from interpretation on paper. The gap is usually large.
- Consider the boring explanations: they're busy, tired, distracted, bad at texting.
- If it matters, ask a direct, low-drama question. One line, no preamble, no apology.
- Don't send a long pre-emptive apology. It creates the awkwardness it's trying to prevent.
Watch
- Why you catastrophise and how to stop itDr. Tracey Marks, psychiatrist · 11 minOn filling an ambiguous silence with the worst explanation available.(opens in a new tab)
- How to be less emotionally reactiveTherapy in a Nutshell (Emma McAdam, LMFT) · 12 minOn all-or-nothing thinking, which is what makes an ambiguous signal feel certain.(opens in a new tab)
Read
- How ADHD ignites rejection sensitive dysphoriaADDitude — Dr. William DodsonThe foundational article on RSD by the clinician who named it.(opens in a new tab)
- How RSD actually feels, in readers' wordsADDitudeSurvey responses from adults with ADHD. Useful when you feel like the only one.(opens in a new tab)
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